


painted house

by Hannahmayski



Series: Supernatural S1 codas [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Parent John Winchester, Episode: s01e09 Home, Gen, Missouri pov, Psychic Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester-centric, Season/Series 01, also where is the au where missouri adopts the boys, and just hid at Missouri's, he's a coward, i have no idea how this could work but i would pay real money, missouri i love u, sam and dean u deserve so much better, the feeling of doubting loyalty to an old friend who you used to respect, the god awful stalemate of wanting to do the right thing but not wanting to betray an old friend, the way john came to Lawrence and knew his boys needed him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannahmayski/pseuds/Hannahmayski
Summary: Missouri knows there are some lines you just can't cross - and maybe if she tells herself that enough, she'll actually start to believe it.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Missouri Moseley & John Winchester, Missouri Moseley & Sam Winchester
Series: Supernatural S1 codas [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977949
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	painted house

**Author's Note:**

> I late current supernatural so much I simply Do Not acknowledge it

Missouri knows that there are some lines she shouldn't cross, and that perhaps, this is one of those lines. 

It's not her place to comment on the lives of another's family and it certainly is not her place to settle familial disputes within a dynamic she is not a part of.

She doesn't know Sam and Dean and the last time she saw either of them, Dean was nothing more than a tiny little thing, shell shocked and quiet as John Winchester crumbled to pieces beside him, and Sam was still just a  _ baby.  _ And now, they're both adults, grown, strong hunters in their own right, and she knows they can handle themselves. She knows that neither Sam nor Dean need some stranger that they barely know to hold their hand.

But she can  _ feel  _ the pain falling off Sam in waves - all unresolved rage and confusion that boils down to the man crouched on her step, staring off at nothing, and the unsurenesss in every step Dean takes, like he's walking blindfolded and waiting to waltz right off a cliff’s edge.

Sam and Dean Winchester don't  _ need  _ her help, but she thinks they both deserve it.

John Winchester sits in her house right at that moment, and she cannot reconcile him and the two boys in front of her, desperately trying to pull themselves together, that they are of the same blood. That Sam and Dean can care for each other so thoroughly and John can toss his boys to the side like food scraps in the name of revenge.

She isn't sure if Sam can sense the man's presence, but considering Sam could sense the spirits in the house even when she couldn't, it seems more than likely, but the utterly despondent stare tells her he wouldn't say anything even if he understood what that meant, which she is sure he doesn’t. He doesn’t understand what's happening to him, and she feels _rage_ that boils up her neck knowing that Sam probably thinks he's going crazy, thinking that their father is _here,_ when they needed him and didn’t show his face. And even though John definitely knows more about Sam, the man's elected to let his boys spiral instead of just facing them, helping them, being a _father_.

She reaches out to place a hand on Sam's shoulder - and she can't follow through. Sam's not looking at her, just staring off at the patches of grass at the bottom of the stairs as Dean makes small talk with Jenny, all jittery hands well hidden enough that a civilian like Jenny wouldn’t notice.

"I'm sorry, Sam," she says, and the words fall hollow on her tongue. She's sorry that she can't help him more, that she can't wrap them both up, safe and away from the world that's already hurt them so much. She's sorry that she's about to lie to his face.

Sam slowly turns to face her, twisting to face her bodily, his neck still raw. She can still see the indents from the lamp cord. "For what?" he asks, and his voice is wrecked and damaged, his eyes are bloodshot and watery from the strangulation, and she takes a deep breath.

"You sensed it was here, didn’t you? Even when I couldn’t," she thinks about John taking refuge in her house right now, knowing at least something about what's happening to Sam and being too much of a coward to even face his sons.

Sam looks at her, each breath rattling through his chest.

"What's happening to me?"

And Missouri nearly breaks then and there, coughs up John's location, be damned of John’s wrath because she thinks it might be better than the desperate eyes of Sam Winchester staring back at her, not asking for much, just anything that will make the pain feel a little less like drowning.

Instead, she lies, "I know I should have all the answers, but I don’t know."

Sam deflates like a balloon, eyes cast to the ground again, and she wants to backpedal, but the words catch in her throat.

Dean's voice pulls them from the silent storm of turmoil - and for a second, she wonders just how much Sam can feel, can he feel the regret that leaks from Missouri in waves? Can he feel the sheer  _ emptiness  _ that envelopes the house like a blanket?

Sam throws his hand up as an acknowledgement to Dean, before glancing back at the house - and she thinks that whatever Sam can sense, it's far deeper than her own perceptions - and that she can't _ , won't _ , help him.

Sam peels himself up from the stairs like he's 62 not 22, like his bones ache as much as hers, and she pretends his fleeting, weak smile is as genuine as Sam and Dean's promise to stay in touch.

Missouri knows there are some lines you just can't cross - and maybe if she tells herself that enough, she'll actually start to believe it.   
  


(John Winchester is in her house when she returns, like she knew he would be curled up in himself like this about  _ him  _ and not about his boys, and she can't imagine it - putting her own children, if she had any, so low on her list of her priorities that she lets them chase her around the country all while she plays them like puppets on a string to keep them out of the way.

For the first time since he arrived in Lawrence, she can't look him in the eyes.) 

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing for this episode so many times and nothing was working that's why this took 7 billion years to write lmao 
> 
> Home is such a good episode, I had forgotten about the scene where the plumber gets his hand torn up in the garbage disposal while that monkey toy goes off like that is scene is fucked spn used to be so good. what happened.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] painted house](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687905) by [NamesNamesandMoreNames](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamesNamesandMoreNames/pseuds/NamesNamesandMoreNames)




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